Spineapples

Slop Punk. Bullshit. Tutus.

BrIan McParland - Bass, Vocals

Brian, aka Bri-Bri McParPar, aka Agent Scruffy, aka Beardm'n, is the bassist and vocalist for Spineapples. One of the main songwriters, Brian's lyricism can be seen on quite a few Spineapples hits. In addition, he writes a lot of acoustic folky demos on the side.

Brian's music tastes are varied, including The Beatles, Pink Floyd, Weezer, Yes, Guster, Reel Big Fish, and Queen. He tends to obsess over certain bands for prolonged periods of time, bugging his friends and family by constantly listening to them and forcing others to check out "this sick deep cut from the UK release" or "that one track the drummer sang on".

When it comes to bass playing, he feels the bass is an underrated instrument, and wishes it was more prominent in punk music. His favorite bassists include John Entwistle, Paul McCartney, and Chris Squire.

Brian's favorite color is blue, and his favorite food is french fries. He is also frighteningly good at Pokemon Puzzle League, so if you are challenged, refuse. It's a trap.

Joe "Cupcake" Williams - Guitar

Joe Williams, the fat guitarist everyone comes to love, except those he pisses off, of course, found Spineapples as a calling from God to do mystical wizardry with the pick and his wrist. Inspired by the wonderful, blissful (sometimes) band, blink-182, Joe tends to write riffs that sound punk-y but also gay. Accompanied by Nikki and Sam-Les-Paul (his guitars) there's not much Joe can't do.

Joe lives with his family. Like any other lazy teenage boy. Eats a dick-load of McDonald's, BLT's, and chocolate milk.

Joe's favorite color is non existent.

Brian is Joe's lover, as well as Jerome, and Nose (Greg) is his slave who tends to have his ass beat a lot by Joe because of sexual frustration when Joe's two lovers are not in the mood.

Joe has killed once, but we don't talk about that...he may kill again!

"Joe, I know you, you have swag coming out of your buttcheeks."
- An inspiring quote Joe lives by daily, said by a close peer of his.

Greg Mattessich - Guitar

One time in ancient Massachusetts, some guy decided to write a play. When he did, people decided to make it mandatory to teach sophomores of it because of it’s greatest. Last year, I had read this book so I have a very rudimentary knowledge of it. It all starts in Salem, where this guy had two daughters and decided to walk into the woods. He caught his two daughters participating in this lesbian orgy or some shit. Anyway, the town of Salem believes that lesbian orgies are totally not cool and decided to call it witchcraft. In ancient Massachusetts, people blamed other people for being witches and stuff. Thesis statement.

In this new paragraph, I will engage in in-depth ANALysis for every character. Abigail Willams was a slut. She was fucking some guy named John Proctor for a long time until his wife caught him having sex with this younger and more attractive girl. John Proctor told his wife it was ok and she continued having sex with Abigail. Anyway, regular heterosexual sex is also considered witchcraft in ancient Massachusetts, so they couldn’t tell any townspeople or anything.

Finally, they found out John Proctor was a sexy and sneaky bastard. So the judges set out to kill him. Or execute him. They crucified him because John Proctor died for your sins. I will fucking kill you. What? What was that? Oh, whatever. Anyway, since John Proctor forgave Massachusett’s sins, all of the townspeople decided to never have orgies ever again. This is my conclusion and to all a good night. Merry Christmas

Jeremy Lipoff - Drums

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